Holy cow its late, this is not my plan... So I've been organizing my life some-what and included in my daily schedule is going to bed earlier but time passed me by tonight, its 12:02 am currently. This was a part of a Sunday night decision, I often make resolutions on Sunday nights, I remember doing it in high school. I started working out again as of Monday and instead of just my regular run-bike-swim routine I've added weight lifting which I haven't done since conditioning class in high school. I am a giant nerd, I have a medium sized notebook that I bring with me to lift because I need the names of what I am doing and a general description on what it's supposed to be, I'm clueless. To help me out the night before I go onto google and type in a workout and watch videos on how its done the correct way. A lot of what I'm doing is an attempt to think more clearly I guess, heres the thing I have so much and am blessed with way more than I deserve I'm sure, but yet I act so weird around Jared,(he's a big reason why I have so much) its like split personalities, the problem isn't that I'm weird, the problem is that I am cold and mean whenever I am around him. I'm not that kind of person and I'm not that way with anyone else. I talked to him last night about it, I've come up with some reasons, some crazy thinking of mine, Its like I am afraid to show joy around him for fear that he would take it away. I'm not the same girl he dated and most of its my fault, I'm serious and reserved like if I smile I will lose it all. In the end I'm hoping that if I take care of myself I will relax and be the good wife that he deserves.
signing out - dr jackle and mr hyde.
2 comments:
I was thinking this would be a post about the Newest Batman movie, I guess I guessed wrong! You always seem happy and cheerful when I see you! I think you are one of the most positive people I know and I think it's awesome you are working so hard with yourself and your family. I love the Sunday night pondering and planning out the following week!
Wow...i can't think of you as a cold, mean person. It's sad that you think that of yourself, I'm sure Jared doesn't want you to think that either. I am mean to shawn most of the time too, but he laughs about it when i yell at him. You are thinking about it way too much, you need to relax and play, especially with your family. Take it easy! :)
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