At war with myself

We came back from visiting my parents cabin this past weekend on Sunday afternoon, it was a fun little get away and like always it is good to be home. Unfortunately coming home also means facing the harsh reality of our finances. Money has been the topic of many discussions in this house hold and nothing has changed the past 6 months other than our savings is gone and any buffer we have is just about to its limit. Jared's job pays a pathetic $10.50 an hour and his take home pay has never been above $700 this whole time he has worked there. Our health insurance is a crap hole, one very expensive crap hole, that robs us of any semblance of a decent paycheck and in return gives us false hope of "health coverage". I'm pretty tight with our money, our luxuries if you will are having the internet and Jared has a smart phone, mine is still a dumb phone. We have never had cable in either of our houses, we could never afford it and I refuse to waste money on it. He keeps on the lookout for better job prospects but he hasn't had an interview yet with the many places he has applied. So what it comes down to is I need to find a way to bring in money. All the typical hair places are hiring around here, I have my home salon but it is still so slow that it can't be counted on as income, and most of the lovely hair salons around here want to pay stylists minimum wage. I have been at odds with myself during this whole process, there is so much more to it all then just making money. I honestly don't have anything against women working, I've worked in some form or another my whole life from 12 on up. We honestly could never afford daycare, and I would never go back to work full time unless something happened to Jared. We don't have any built in babysitters on either side of our families, they have all made it very clear that watching our kids is a burden. (which makes date night tricky and/or stressful). Here I am with a big decision to return to work for little pay or try to figure something else out. I think I have actually figured something else out, just so you know if I work a part time shift at 7.25 an hour for 4 hours I will bring in $29 before taxes. If I work the 16 hours maximum I could work a week with Jared's crazy schedule of when he is home I'd bring in $116 a week before taxes. Its something but I think I can do better for less hours away from my husband, by working for my mom cleaning and perhaps having my own building to clean. In the end I don't expect to really make more than $400 a month but I might surprise myself. I figure that this way I will be able to schedule my regular clients without a hitch and still be home with my kids and my husband during the few hours we can be together as a family. It will take slightly more planning on my part but it should be worth it in the end and hopefully be better for everyone.

I'm getting old

In less than a week I will be turning the ripe old age of 27. What's worse is that I have been telling people I'm 27 whenever they ask, so I really didn't own 26 yet. 27 is the age Jared was when I first met him and began dating him. We laugh because a friend of mine thought it was really old, but she's 27 now too and I'm sure she doesn't consider herself "that old" anymore than he did then. For several reasons I didn't really care that he was "so old" or that I was "so young", I think I have an old soul and time just kind of passes and I just feel way to mature or something. Jared definitely has more of a young soul so we balance each other out really well.

 Its funny how a marriage can define you, I count years of being married more than years of being alive. This seventh year of marriage has been one of the best years it seems. Maybe we are just finally figuring each other out, and I am no longer trying to change his ways. (or his ways have finally changed... lol.) . One thing I think that has helped recently is that he is finally working out and is no longer drinking Mountain Dew everyday. I've mellowed out quiet a bit too, I'm doing better at not over analyzing his every word and action, so I think that helps. I feel so much more love for him, he really is my best and closest friend in life. I sure hope it continues, you get to this point and your like, hey just don't rock the boat, and then sailing will continue to be smooth. Marriage isn't easy, I'd be the first to jump up and tell anyone that, but I guess anything that is worth doing in life isn't always gonna be easy.

My kids are really growing up so quickly before my eyes. While watching my little Beckam nap today I was like holy cow he is the size of a toddler now. Makayla will be six soon and she is just so grown up but so young and its so hard for me to figure out how to treat her or to remember that she is still just a little girl. Ugh I could be such a better mom. Konnor keeps me guessing and is so genuinely sweet, but also can be so maddening all within the same hour, he is so smart and independent that if he could he would write his own schedule for the day. Who knew three little people could keep you so busy?
Life is good, even when you are on the doorstep of 27.

Tales of the worst best friend

Hey all, I would just like to inform you that I am in fact the worlds worst friend. I'm just hoping that you were too busy with your own lives to notice, but in case you saved a spot for me that I certainly didn't fill, I am so deeply sorry. I've written this post several times in my head over the past year, but tonight it is eating at me so I'm going to let it go. By now you already know my circumstance and the way I behave, but to recap I am a crazy mother of three. I think of nice things I could do too often and most of the time I fail to do them. I wish I had a better excuse for not calling, texting, instant messaging or the like. I just don't have the energy, organizational skills, or un-awkward ability to make that call or communicate like I used to. My days consist of telling the same small people the same life saving advice over and over again. Then I follow after those small people and clean anything they have decided to undo and/or destroy. If I can manage, I run out to my backyard and weed like crazy in hopes that the plants I have lovingly put in the ground will some day provide more than just a small taste of big dreams. After a long day of a whole lot of nothing to show (other than were all here and accounted for) I get to sleep (sometimes) and wake up to do it all over again. But because those old relationships from times long gone mean still so much to me I catch myself thinking of you, worrying about what a dastardly bad friend I have most certainly proved to be and hope that someday in the future we can hang out/ talk/ or just plain see each other again. But until then if you have maybe been caught in your own beautiful chaos, I completely understand and love you just the same.
best wishes
your old friend- Zjani

Todays Thoughts

Loved the LDS General Conference last Saturday and Sunday, so many of the messages I needed to hear and I just loved spending the two days with my little family while we watched the session live online. In church today one of our lessons was about trials and what we have learned from having them. The teacher has several ladies stand up and share their own personal trials in life and the lessons that they took from some of them. A couple were or had been single moms, one had a history of abuse, sad things with her babies, and cancer to top it all off. Listening to what they had shared about their past really put into perspective my own trials (and how livable they are). But most of all I realized that I need to get to know and rely on my savior more than I do. I really believe that me and my family are never meant to be millionaires or even well off financially, its just not in the cards.. but we have always had our needs taken care of. Even when we had eaten all of our food storage and there was just nothing left we still survived and were able to move past that point in our lives. If you have followed my blog for some time you would know that my husband has been through lots (I mean lots) of jobs in our short 7 years of marriage. He has been great to take whatever job he could find and the longest he had ever gone without a job I believe was 2-3 weeks. He currently is employed but not getting the hours we so desperately need him to get. Luckily we have our tax return helping us pay the bills where his paycheck is just not. Needless to say it is stressful and worrisome, and when I think about it, it brings me down. Deep down though I know that it will all work out, if we continue on doing all that we can to support ourselves anything lacking will be met. I've had the lucky chance of experiencing this first hand so many times. I know that my Heavenly Father is watching over me and my little family and has an interest in me, just like he has an interest in you.

Milled Lentil Brownies

I made my first Gluten free recipe, I'm not GF but I did want to use my stockpiled bags of lentils. They turned out pretty huh? (they are actually good too). If you want to check out the recipe you can follow this link to my other blog and get the whole thing. http://searchforsimple.blogspot.com/2013/04/lentil-flour-brownies.html

Outdoor flock

Last night was the chicks first night outdoors, and I did not sleep well. It was like I had a newborn again and I had to keep getting up to make sure they were still breathing kind of thing. As you might be aware we are currently having a horrible cold front move through and dash away my hope for spring. They are in their nifty coop and I have the heat lamp secured to the ceiling of the interior of the coop, and they all survived their first night out of the basement. Today I purchased some wood shavings for the interior of the coop to make it more homey, warm and better smelling. I think they like it. I honestly would like it, I kind of want to cuddle up with them under the heat lamp and watch them sleep. We put an old thermostat out to the coop to check the temp, and the last reading tonight was 55... kind of cold... but warmer than the 25 degree's it is outside. I would be concerned if they were acting cold but they all looked like they were sunbathing in a comfortable pile of fluff. When chicks are cold and uncomfortable they huddle together tightly to try to get warm and sometimes they can be quiet noisy. Happy chicks are generally calm and can sleep nicely when they are ready to. When they are awake they are curious and active. I did block the ramp leading to the bottom of the coop just to keep as much warm air in the coop area as possible. Drafts are not the best thing for baby chicks but I'm unsure at what point in time drafts are not such a threat.

Chickens

Jared said that we would never have them, but here they are! We have six adorable new additions to our family. I've had chickens in the past when I was in Jr. High and I loved them, so I've always wanted to have them again. When Jared was younger he helped with the church chicken coop on occasions and it stunk, so he has always hated chickens. Its a small miracle that we got to pick them up and bring them home!

 We picked out a collection of breeds, one Barred Plymouth Rock chicken, one Golden Sex-Link, Two Buff  Orpingtons, one white Leghorn, and one Ameraucana chick.

 They are happily enjoying a small space in the basement until they get all of their grown up feathers, or stink too bad, in which case they will be residing outside in the coop.

 since they are small and there is only six of them, they fit nicely in an empty rubbermaid bin

 This chunky chick is the Ameraucana, she will be laying blue or green eggs in the future :)

 Here is the Barred Plymouth rock Chick, I've always wanted a whole bunch of these girls because I love their feather coloring. She will have light to medium brown eggs with a touch of pink.

 This sister is a Golden Sex-Link Chick, which is a cross between a Road Island Red and Road Island White. She will have brown eggs also.

 Here are the twins, both Buff Orpingtons. They should be quite fluffy when they are older and are supposed to be docile and good with children. They will both lay light brown eggs.

 and lastly is the white Leghorn, I've owned them in the past and this is the breed that lays most grocery store white eggs. They are good layers, and mature quickly.

 instead of fashioning our own coop, we bought one that you just put together. It was the cheapest coop to purchase and it have everything we need. We got it from Cal-Ranch for 219.00. So if the chickens live forever eventually they will pay for themselves right?

 whats really cool is that the kids can easily lift up the nesting box lid and collect eggs all by themselves!

I'd like to put some wheels on one end of the coupe so I can move them around to a new area for easy clean up of the coop. This coop also has a pull out tray under the roosting bars for easy cleaning, if you've ever cleaned out a coop you will know that this is a pleasant feature.