Tuesday, July 16, 2013

At war with myself

We came back from visiting my parents cabin this past weekend on Sunday afternoon, it was a fun little get away and like always it is good to be home. Unfortunately coming home also means facing the harsh reality of our finances. Money has been the topic of many discussions in this house hold and nothing has changed the past 6 months other than our savings is gone and any buffer we have is just about to its limit. Jared's job pays a pathetic $10.50 an hour and his take home pay has never been above $700 this whole time he has worked there. Our health insurance is a crap hole, one very expensive crap hole, that robs us of any semblance of a decent paycheck and in return gives us false hope of "health coverage". I'm pretty tight with our money, our luxuries if you will are having the internet and Jared has a smart phone, mine is still a dumb phone. We have never had cable in either of our houses, we could never afford it and I refuse to waste money on it. He keeps on the lookout for better job prospects but he hasn't had an interview yet with the many places he has applied. So what it comes down to is I need to find a way to bring in money. All the typical hair places are hiring around here, I have my home salon but it is still so slow that it can't be counted on as income, and most of the lovely hair salons around here want to pay stylists minimum wage. I have been at odds with myself during this whole process, there is so much more to it all then just making money. I honestly don't have anything against women working, I've worked in some form or another my whole life from 12 on up. We honestly could never afford daycare, and I would never go back to work full time unless something happened to Jared. We don't have any built in babysitters on either side of our families, they have all made it very clear that watching our kids is a burden. (which makes date night tricky and/or stressful). Here I am with a big decision to return to work for little pay or try to figure something else out. I think I have actually figured something else out, just so you know if I work a part time shift at 7.25 an hour for 4 hours I will bring in $29 before taxes. If I work the 16 hours maximum I could work a week with Jared's crazy schedule of when he is home I'd bring in $116 a week before taxes. Its something but I think I can do better for less hours away from my husband, by working for my mom cleaning and perhaps having my own building to clean. In the end I don't expect to really make more than $400 a month but I might surprise myself. I figure that this way I will be able to schedule my regular clients without a hitch and still be home with my kids and my husband during the few hours we can be together as a family. It will take slightly more planning on my part but it should be worth it in the end and hopefully be better for everyone.

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

I'm getting old

In less than a week I will be turning the ripe old age of 27. What's worse is that I have been telling people I'm 27 whenever they ask, so I really didn't own 26 yet. 27 is the age Jared was when I first met him and began dating him. We laugh because a friend of mine thought it was really old, but she's 27 now too and I'm sure she doesn't consider herself "that old" anymore than he did then. For several reasons I didn't really care that he was "so old" or that I was "so young", I think I have an old soul and time just kind of passes and I just feel way to mature or something. Jared definitely has more of a young soul so we balance each other out really well.

 Its funny how a marriage can define you, I count years of being married more than years of being alive. This seventh year of marriage has been one of the best years it seems. Maybe we are just finally figuring each other out, and I am no longer trying to change his ways. (or his ways have finally changed... lol.) . One thing I think that has helped recently is that he is finally working out and is no longer drinking Mountain Dew everyday. I've mellowed out quiet a bit too, I'm doing better at not over analyzing his every word and action, so I think that helps. I feel so much more love for him, he really is my best and closest friend in life. I sure hope it continues, you get to this point and your like, hey just don't rock the boat, and then sailing will continue to be smooth. Marriage isn't easy, I'd be the first to jump up and tell anyone that, but I guess anything that is worth doing in life isn't always gonna be easy.

My kids are really growing up so quickly before my eyes. While watching my little Beckam nap today I was like holy cow he is the size of a toddler now. Makayla will be six soon and she is just so grown up but so young and its so hard for me to figure out how to treat her or to remember that she is still just a little girl. Ugh I could be such a better mom. Konnor keeps me guessing and is so genuinely sweet, but also can be so maddening all within the same hour, he is so smart and independent that if he could he would write his own schedule for the day. Who knew three little people could keep you so busy?
Life is good, even when you are on the doorstep of 27.